How To Be A Man
by JustRelax
Summary: Artie's the only guy in his group of friends, and it was time he took his position seriously. There's nothing wrong with a little male bonding. Artie and all the Glee Guys
1. Mentor

A/N: So I was watching Glee when a thought occurred to me. Out of Artie's friends he's the only guy. And by friends I mean the little gleegroup within the gleeclub I like to refer to as the original 4. (I think some people are calling them "Muppet Babies" now because of Bad Reputation) Tina and Mercedes are obviously female and Kurt considers himself an honorary girl so that leaves Artie to be the designated guy of the group and for a guy he's not exactly masculine. He's dorky and all other shades of wonderful but he's not intimidating like Puck or any of the jocks really and so this idea was born.

This is going to be a short, silly, fic about broship and bonding with all the guys (Kurt included). Hopefully you'll like it.

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It was his sister who first pointed it out. He didn't really notice it prior to her observation, it just wasn't something he thought about very much. But it was true.

Artie Abrams was the only male of his group of friends.

He never noticed it before because, well to be honest he was too elated about even having friends to care, and besides he really liked his friends. That and there was Kurt who was male so Artie didn't think anything of it. But when his sister had mentioned that even Kurt had considered himself an honorary girl, Artie couldn't argue with her as she continued to say that he never did anything particularly manly.

Not that he knew what that meant.

And it wasn't like he was particularly feminine, he never participated in their discussions about fashion - unless he was defending his, he didn't watch Ugly Betty or whatever it is they watched, and he didn't know which celebrity was dating who.

But he supposed it couldn't hurt to have more guy time with someone that wasn't his dad.

Right?

He was sitting in gleeclub pretending to study his music sheet as he thought about it. In order to have quality male bonding time he needed some male friends first. His brow furrowed as he watched the rest of the guys minus Kurt sitting on the other side of the room goofing off, telling jokes, and annoying Rachel in the process. He was on good terms with them but approaching them so suddenly would just be awkward.

But if anyone could handle an awkward situation it was Artie, king of all things awkward.

"Artie?" It was Tina, "You still there?"

She waved her hands in front of his face.

"Huh?" He answered dumbly.

"We're going to the mall after school" Kurt said examining his nails, "Are you coming with us?"

Artie shook his head, though he didn't really know why, Kurt wasn't even looking at him. "Uh, no thanks."

"Told you he'd say no" Tina shrugged, leaning back into her seat.

Kurt scoffed, "One day we'll convince you to get rid of those god awful things you call clothing."

Artie smiled weakly at them as he returned to their glee assignment. Yup, he needed some serious guy time.

When rehersal ended everyone filed out of the room. Kurt, Tina and Mercedes were the only ones who threw him a quick goodbye over their shoulders as he packed up to leave. On another day they would have waited for him but he supposed it wasn't too bad, this way he had time to think about his action plan.

He was going to approach a couple of the guys after glee - probably Finn since he was a relatively nice guy and they got along best out of all the other guys, but he had hesitated in the last moment and everyone shuffled out before he could do anything about it. And now the room was empty, save for him and Mr. Schuester who was standing by the corner and there's no way in hell he'll ask his teacher for help. He wasn't that pathetic. Yet.

Artie sighed, he'll do it tomorrow. Awkwardness and all.

He was about to turn around and head towards the door when Puck burst in the room, Artie had actually jumped in surprise. The mohawked boy ignored him as he picked up a jacket that was left hanging on the chair he was sitting in earlier.

Artie just stared at the boy curiously. This was his chance and doors don't stay open forever. He may never get to speak to Puck one on one again. _Say something Artie, say something to get his attention._

He wussed out, because that was Puck. The same Puck who, prior to joining glee, had absolutely no qualms about throwing a kid in a wheelchair into the dumpster, Puck who had slushied him and duct taped his wheels together. Puck who was still kind of an asshole.

"What are you lookin' at?" Puck said when he noticed Artie staring.

Artie panicked a little but fought through his desire to hide from Puck's intimidating stare and pushed on. Doors don't stay open forever, he repeated in his head.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor." He said fidgeting with his gloves.

Puck said nothing, Artie took the silence as a good sign because he had fully expected Puck to roll his eyes and leave the room.

"I've noticed lately that I associate myself with a lot of girls. Well, and Kurt." He added.

Puck snorted and crossed his arms but at least he was listening. Out of the corner of his eye Artie could see Mr. Schuester glance at him curiously.

"And I figured it'd be nice to have some...male company."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Well, see that's the problem." Artie paused for a moment, bringing his hand up to his neck. This was going a lot better than he thought it would. "I don't really know. I've never had a lot of guy friends and I don't really know what guys really do for fun."

"So, what you're saying is, you want me to teach you how to be a man?"

"Um, I guess you could put it that way."

Puck seemed to think about this for a second before shrugging. "Yeah, okay, sure"

Artie was shocked first and relieved second. Shocked because he didn't really think Puck would say yes and relieved because Puck didn't laugh right in his face or tie him up to the flagpole like he always feared in the back of his mind when he was around the larger boy.

"Seriously?" Artie asked, "You're not just screwing around with me?"

"Dude, I live with my mom and my sister." Puck said as if it explained everything, it didn't but Artie didn't want to push it. "Speaking of the brat, I gotta pick her up from school, later Abrams."

Puck left Artie in the choir room contemplating how the idea had the huge potential to be a really really bad one. Puck was notorious for doing things that weren't exactly safe, or legal for that matter. And out of all the guys in glee that Artie could have gone to, Puck probably should have been his last resort. Hell, Puck was his last resort, but Artie figured it couldn't hurt to ask. He guessed he sort of lucked out because now Artie had a mentor, and Puck was arguably the best person for the job because if there was one thing Artie knew about Puck it was this,

Puck was undeniably male.


	2. PokerFace

A/N: Thanks for the kind words everyone! :D In an attempt to avoid spoilers, I busied myself with this chapter. It's kind of hastily written but I wanted to get it up as soon as possible. Hopefully you'll like it. I've got the next two chapters planned out in my head. So if all goes well they should be out sooner than this one was.

Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate it.

Also: Something really weird happens when I upload this, it always, ALWAYS cuts out "Mr. Schuester" so I have to go back and add it, (thats why some of you may have gotten two story alert update emails). Does this happen to any of you?

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Puck didn't even look at him. Not a single glance during the school day and Artie wondered what he did wrong. His mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that Puck didn't care or he forgot about the agreement they came to the day before. Not that they had really worked out...anything actually. Puck had agreed and they went their separate ways. Maybe that was the problem, they had no game plan and Artie was not about to approach the larger boy again. It was hard enough the first time.

Artie sighed and went about his day as usual. Thinking up plan B's, C's, and D's and trying to figure out which boy he should approach next. He ended up going with his original target.

Finn Hudson.

So armed with a half baked plan that was already in play, Artie wheeled himself into the choir room thirty minutes early only to find Puck sitting off to the side with several, make that all of the other glee guys. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. They never arrived this early, sometimes they even arrived a little late. Sure, he had expected Rachel, who always seemed to be ridiculously early, and his friends who tended to hang around before glee and yeah all the glee kids usually got there before Mr. Schue did but usually they would arrive five - maybe ten minutes before hand, but not this early.

Never this early.

And it was kind of fishy.

He shared a glance with Tina who shrugged and took her seat next to Mercedes before he started towards his guitar, but as soon as he did he heard a voice shout from across the room.

"Yo Abrams!" It said. Artie looked up and saw Puck. The boy was sitting with the rest of the guys all circled around an empty chair. They all turned to look at him expectingly. It was kind of unnerving actually. "Got any cash?"

Artie always had cash on him but he never lets anyone borrow any. They never pay him back.

"Yeah..." He trailed off, a little afraid, did Puck want some?

"You want in?"

And that's when he saw it. A pack of bicycle cards sitting in the palm of Puck's left hand. And it was then that Artie understood. This was how Puck was going to do it. This was how he was going to integrate him into the society of guys. It was kind of clever actually. Artie didn't think they would do it so simply, he had imagined some elaborate scenario involving lists of things to memorize, lessons to learn and the phrase "young grasshopper". He had never imagined Puck would just ask him to join.

But it made more sense. Puck would never devote his time to lessons. Even if he was the teacher.

"Sure" Artie said wheeling himself over to the empty space left for him. The rest of the boys welcomed him. "What are we playing?"

"Blackjack." Finn answered, rolling up his sleeves as he got comfortable.

Artie just nodded as he stripped off his gloves.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Rachel's voice spoke up. Several boys groaned, all of the boys rolled their eyes, Artie included. "Gambling's against school rules and you could get us all in trouble, and I am not risking my perfect record for something so immature like -"

"It's not a gamble if I always win" Puck cut her off before her rant really took off. Artie silently thanked him.

Rachel huffed but saw that Puck was a lost cause. "Well don't say I didn't warn you."

Artie was impressed. Extremely impressed, he had never seen Rachel back down so easily. Then he noticed Santana shift a little in the back row. "I want in." She said simply, sassily.

"Sorry Lopez, this is a man's game."

The cheerleader glared at Puck and Artie shrunk back a little. Santana could be terrifying sometimes, scratch that, all the time. Puck didn't even blink and Artie was awestruck once again.

"I resent that." Rachel snapped,

"What, you want in?" Puck asked turning to face the other girl.

"You already know how much I disapprove of this but that's not the point. I thought we already went over the gender equality when we did our Madonna number."

Puck, as expected, ignored her and dealt the cards anyway. Artie waited for Rachel to fire up, she didn't and the conversation was dropped from there on.

They were playing for small change, a few cents, a couple of dollars, nothing big. And Artie was having fun, but that was probably because he was winning. He was winning a lot. Artie quickly learned that a few dollars and cents added up really quickly and by the end of five rounds he was eighteen dollars and thirty two cents richer.

"Okay, fuck this." Puck said after he busted- again. Artie had a three, a six and a king. "You must be counting cards or some shit because there's no way you're that good."

"What can I say?" Artie answers smugly crossing his arms, "I'm a genius." He wasn't counting but he wasn't about to tell them that.

"Texas Hold um'" Puck grumbled as he dealt.

"Dude, I'm all out." Mike said throwing his cards in, "Maybe next time."

"Yeah me too. I can't lose anymore." Finn says.

He could have sworn he heard Puck mumble something about being wusses but Artie shook it off as the new game started.

He murdered them.

And then proceeded to strip them for all they were worth, which apparently totaled to a whopping forty-eight dollars and fifty nine cents.

They thought he was good at blackjack, wherein' he mostly relied on luck, but they had no idea what beast they had unleashed with poker master Artie.

"What the fuck!" Puck had exclaimed in exasperation when he lost again. "Is this some kind of a joke?"

"Dude! Artie, you're like some kind of shark!" Finn had praised, well at least, that's what Artie took it as.

"Dude, he isn't like a shark, he is a shark!" Mike butted in.

"Damn" Was all Matt said when he emptied his pockets.

Artie was going to make some smart remark, a witty, smug, "that's how I roll" joke or something but the words ended up lost when everyone else had started praising him for his abilities. He went from boastful to embarrassed in a span of three seconds.

Even Santana was impressed. Which in turn impressed everyone else.

"Guys, Mr. Schuester is on the way." Quinn alerted.

The boys all scrambled to put the cards away. Artie scrambled to stuff the money into his wallet.

When Mr. Schuester entered everything was as it should be and no one said anything that would have suggested the game happened at all. Except for Puck, who had let one whispered "What the hell?" go before practice started.

The poor guy was out of sorts for the rest of the day.


	3. My Brother Kurt

A/N: So this chapter came out a lot differently than I thought it would. It's also my longest one - ever.

I just hope I did Kurt justice, I love him but I've never written him before and I feel like I might have completely screwed up.

D: Oh well, hope you guys like it anyway. Oh and thanks for the reviews I really appreciate them!

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He was lying on a can of some sort. He could feel it digging into his lower back as he tried to adjust himself to make the experience a little more comfortable. Artie had been cornered after practice by a bunch of faceless jocks who had nothing better to do after practice than throw a wheelchair kid into the dumpster. Artie couldn't have gotten away even if he tried. There were five of them and they had left him with no escape, so he had just braced himself when he felt his body lift out of his chair.

At this point in his life, Artie knew better than to attempt to get out on his own. He may be able to lift himself up fairly easily but he couldn't get himself over the dumpster without landing on the ground and hurting something. He had to wait for someone to help him out. The wait wasn't long, not usually at least, because more often than not, someone was thrown into the dumpster with him, and they were more than willing to help pull him out.

But he was alone today and school was over so no one would notice him missing. The last time he ended up in a dumpster alone it had taken 30 minutes to get out and afterwards he had considered getting a Twitter so he could alert his friends when he needed help.

Artie pulled his phone out of his pocket, he may not have a twitter but he did have unlimited texting and that was kind of better anyway. So with several clicks of a button he sent a mass text message to several members of the glee club that read "**S.O.S In a Dumpster**" in case they were still loitering around school.

And now it was just a waiting game. The majority of the people he texted were probably halfway home or at the mall, and he'd have to wait for them to double back - if they doubled back, to pull him out. He gave his phone a quick glance to see if there were any replies yet before placing it on his chest and pulling his hands behind his head as he did the only thing he could at the moment.

He watched the clouds.

He had spotted an elephant, something that looked suspiciously like Sue Sylvester and a unicorn horn before he heard an obnoxious banging on one of the metal sides that trapped him. Someone was purposely ramming the side of the dumpster with their hands. And it was annoying.

"Hey!" Artie shouted, desperately hoping that this mystery person was not another jock getting ready for a round two, "Could you help me out here?"

He notice two hands curl over the top of the dumpster and his heart thumped a little faster, but the fear he had was dispelled when he saw Puck's head pop up. "Hey Abrams"

"Puck?" Artie greeted eyebrows furrowed, he had not texted Puck, he didn't even have his number. "How'd you know I was in here?"

"They left your wheelchair out in the open. Amateurs." Puck answered holding out a hand

Despite himself, Artie snorted and let the stronger boy drag him out. Puck was not careful like Kurt or gentle like Tina but he got the job done and for that Artie was grateful. Besides, the scratch on his side would heal and he only knew his knee banged up against the metal because of the sound it made.

"Thanks" Artie said when he was back in his chair examining the damage on himself. He was still in one piece and none of the trash bags had leaked, thank god. That was one mess he did not want to deal with.

Puck shrugged as if to say, don't mention it.

Artie smiled nervously, "And not just for the dumpster."

Puck shrugged again leaning up against the dumpster, "You wanted to be a man and poker's a man's game."

Artie nodded but said nothing.

"Speaking of your man lessons, you should start dressing like a man."

"Are you insinuating that I dress like a woman?"

"No, but you dress like a dweeb. And if you didn't look like a dweeb maybe people would stop throwing you into dumpsters."

"People throw me in dumpsters because I'm in a wheelchair."

"Hey, you said it yourself, there are other people in wheelchairs at this school and you don't see them getting thrown in dumpsters."

Artie gave Puck a look of disbelief.

"Okay, fine, they don't get thrown in dumpsters as much as you do."

That was a little more believable.

"I swear, you like, give yourself a reason to be thrown in those damned things, and I've been in one, they are not fun"

"Tell me about it." Artie sighed dejectedly.

"Look, you're a dweeb but maybe if you stop looking like one people will forget that. We're jocks, we target dweebs. It's what we do. If you looked normal, well then you'll be alright."

There were so many things wrong with that logic. The major points being, Artie's an active member of glee club, he's in a wheelchair, and the jocks already knew him as Artie. And besides, he liked the way he dressed.

"Are you saying you want to take me shopping?" Artie asked raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms.

"Hell no." Puck said scrunching up his face as he threw Artie a scowl, "You're friends with Hummel right? Get him to do it."

"Do you know how long he's been waiting to do that? It'd be like Christmas came early"

Puck rolled his eyes, "Anyway," he said taking out his keys and pointing them at Artie as he spoke "You need a ride home?"

Artie honestly considered it for a moment, but declined, he didn't live very far away anyway.

"Later Abrams"

* * *

Artie spent the night considering Puck's suggestion. In the end he decided to go with it. It couldn't hurt and if he didn't like it he could always change back and maybe this way he could get Kurt to finally shut up about his clothes. He'd have to handle this very carefully though, he didn't really want to change_, _he just wanted to do a little adjusting and he needed to let Kurt know that otherwise the boy could get a little carried away.

He approached his fashionable friend at school that Friday and asked him to come over to his house afterwards. Artie didn't tell him why yet but Kurt agreed with little hesitation anyway.

"So, is there a reason I'm here?" Kurt asked crossing his legs when he finally settles on Artie's bed.

Artie parked himself directly in front of Kurt and twists his hands together, "Well, actually, I've need a favor." He'd been saying that a lot lately.

Kurt's ears perked up, his curiosity had peaked.

"I need some help with my clothing"

Kurt's eyes lit up, and Artie could practically see the gears turning in his head. Kurt started to open his mouth but Artie was quick to stop the explosion of fashion tips.

"WAIT!" He shouted throwing his hands in front of him, "Don't say anything until I'm done. I do not want a makeover. Alright? No makeovers. At all, you are NOT to 'reinvent' me. I just want to look..." Artie thought it over for a second before settling on Puck's description, "more normal."

Kurt huffed in annoyance, his arms crossed, he resembled a deflated balloon. "Can I talk now?"

Artie nodded cautiously, slowly returning his hands to his lap.

"So let me get this straight, you want me to help you with your clothes, but you don't want me to give you a makeover."

Artie nodded again, inwardly sighing in relief. He was afraid his friend would purposely skip over that point.

"Are you sure you don't want a makeover?" Kurt was eyeing Artie up and down, Artie felt naked under his gaze.

But Artie's mind was set and a firm "Kurt." had gotten the other boy to agree.

"Alright fine," Kurt relented uncrossing his legs and standing up, "You're lucky I'm a fashion genius. Now let's go raid your closet"

It takes ten minutes before all the contents of Artie's closet are lying on his bed. Kurt stood over one hand on his chin and examined all the articles of Artie's clothing as Artie watched on, suddenly uncomfortable. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"First thing's first Artie, lose the suspenders." Kurt says finally, turning to look at him.

"What? No!"

"Artie, they're tacky. Lose them."

"I need the suspenders." Artie mumbles, he wasn't getting rid of his suspenders, ever. And Tina liked the suspenders so he really wasn't going to lose them, but he wasn't about to tell Kurt that.

"Okay, okay. I see this is going to be harder than I thought." Kurt sighs in defeat, "But at least promise me you'll never wear them with a belt."

"What?"

"Artie, suspenders and a belt are a big no no. Both serve the purpose of keeping your pants on but you only need one of the two. You wouldn't wear a tie and a bow tie at the same time would you? Well, _you_ might but you're not supposed to."

"Okay, I might be bad, but I'm not that bad."

"I beg to differ."

Artie said nothing and frowned instead. Kurt didn't notice, he had already turned back to the pile of clothing on the bed. "Do you own anything other than these?" He said as he picked up several hangers all holding his white dress shirts. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with them it's just a little, much, don't you think? You could get them in different colors, in fact you should get them in different colors. I think a blue one would suit you perfectly and it'd give you more variety."

Artie contemplated the suggestion for a second. "That's actually not a bad idea." And it wasn't, because it wouldn't be something out of his comfort zone, he'd be able to look nice according to Kurt and he'd still be Artie.

"And you're sweater vests, god forbid you're sweater vests!"

"Hey, I like the sweater vests." He voiced, slightly wounded looking down at the one he was wearing. A simple black one with a white stripe going across the middle.

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with sweater vests, well except for this one this is hideous." Kurt replied holding up an argyle sweater vest his mom had gotten him a while ago.

At Artie's look of confusion Kurt continued onwards. "Artie, _I _wear sweater vests, you just need to find a way to match them up and make them shine."

Kurt spent the next two hours teaching Artie how to match colors and accessories together to make outfits without getting rid of any of his clothes. Whilst Artie spent the same two hours pleasantly surprising Kurt when he pulled out things like T-Shirts -admittedly nerdy T-shirts (One had a T-Rex on it) and hats that he never got around to wearing.

By the end of their lesson Artie had all the tools he needed to make a nice outfit without feeling like someone completely different. He was still distinctly Artie, Artie the nerdy suspender wearing guitar playing gleek but he was a slightly better dressed nerdy suspender wearing guitar playing gleek.

"I still wish you would have let me throw away that god awful vest." Kurt said from behind Artie referring to the argyle sweater vest he had held up earlier.

"No, Kurt." Artie responded firmly, buttoning up a plain black vest, "My mom bought that for me."

"Well, you don't have to wear it." Kurt retorted snarkily.

Artie turned his attention from fumbling with his buttons to glaring at Kurt.

Kurt completely ignored this and played with the phone in his hands "You still have to come shopping with me and Mercedes"

"I'll think about it." Artie replied finally finishing with his buttons. Out of the corner of his eye, Artie sees Kurt tapping out a text message. "What do you think?"

"Not bad, not bad at all, you look good in vests Artie."

"Thanks" Artie said grinning, he _did _look pretty good and that felt really good. He didn't even know he owned the vest until Kurt pulled it out from under a pile of T-Shirts.

It was quiet for a second as Artie continued admiring himself in the mirror and then out of nowhere "I didn't know you liked football."

Artie turned around and saw Kurt standing beside his desk observing an old worn football.

"I don't," Artie said wheeling over to where Kurt was standing, he grabbed the object and held it out for Kurt to take "Well, I mean, I do but I'm not really into it you know? My dad and I toss that around sometimes."

Kurt continued to stare at the ball, he seemed a little lost in his thoughts.

"You wanna-" Artie cleared his throat, "You wanna throw that around a bit?"

This snapped Kurt out of his reverie, "Yeah, sure." It was the quietest voice he had ever heard Kurt talk in, and it wasn't because it was whispered or that the volume was low, Artie has heard the boy whisper before, but it was because Kurt said it in a way that sounded very vulnerable and very unKurtlike. Artie didn't bring it up, he just led the way out of the house. Now didn't seem like the time to talk about it, not that he really knew what "it" was.

The two of them made their way towards the backyard in silence. Kurt had carried the football out but paused to pass it to Artie so he could take off his blazer. He frowned for a moment looking at the grass he stood above. Artie, sensing Kurt's dilemma quickly unbuttoned his vest and threw it onto the grassy ground haphazardly.

Kurt smiled at Artie as a silent thank you as he gently folded and placed his blazer on top of the vest along with the hat that was on his head. Artie returned the smile before positioning himself on the other side of the grass as he waited for Kurt to do the same.

They tossed the ball back in forth filling the space between them with casual small talk. This was Artie's favorite part of catch, the easy conversation between the players. There was no requirement to talk but they almost always find something to say. It's how he talks with his dad sometimes, they connect with a little football.

As they played on Artie couldn't help but notice that Kurt was good, really good, but Artie shouldn't have been so surprised. Kurt was on the team after all, something that Artie often found himself forgetting.

"You know, it's nice playing with someone who knows what they're doing" Artie says when they slipped into a silence, "I don't have to chase after the ball like I do when I'm playing with Tina or my sister." Footballs had this bad habit of flopping around on the ground which made it very difficult to retrieve, especially in a wheelchair.

"You're good too, who taught you to play?" Kurt asked. The football does a perfect spiral right into Artie's arms.

"My dad, you?" Artie pivoted his upper body and lets the ball soar. "Who taught you?"

"My dad but I wasn't any good until Finn helped me perfect my throw"

They fell into another silence, and then,

"Hey Kurt...You wanna stay for dinner?"


End file.
